oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
