Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
