Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
