He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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