I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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