Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
