okay pat passed out under dana's car
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
