You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
