new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
