I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I need to stop coming to work sober
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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