Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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