He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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