i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
