M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
