do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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