I think i peed on brittanys purse
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
