Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Randomize