You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
