Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
