I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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