that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
