i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
