So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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