pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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