i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
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