We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
