Need sex. Gaining weight.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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