Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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