Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
