apparently the secret to your success is patron
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
