My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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