fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
this is an emotional support booty call
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
