happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
