You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
