She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
