BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
