the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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