Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
