This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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