I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
