You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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