guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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