Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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