Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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