she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
