who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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