He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
why does every cop we meet know your name?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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