I heard we made out
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
