Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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