I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
