Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
