There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize