I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
