I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
