Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
