i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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