k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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