Cold hands, warm shart.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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