Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
