am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
