My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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