sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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