You're my little dorito
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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