You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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