so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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